Nintendo has had an incredible year in 2017. Hard to believe since 2016 was so poor. Despite their successes this year there are some drawbacks to their phenomenal games. I’ve done a lot of research into comics by this point and I feel pretty confident in my selections. Most of the topics I’ve chosen to cover up to now focus in on single games, or series. So far I’ve tackled Final Fantasy, Pokémon, Mario, Fallout, and Call of Duty. Today I’m going to broaden my horizons even more with a look at twenty-five gut busting Nintendo comics. My goal remains the same. One, I want to spread the joy of laughter from these terrific comics. Two, I also want to get on my soapbox once again so I can join in on the complaining. Er, complaining is more of a negative outlook.
Let’s say I want to point out the inconsistencies in Nintendo’s body of work. I also went so far as to not include any Pokémon comics as I’ve already done that and am planning to do another one in the future. There are a few Mario ones, but not as many compared to the rest. I tried to get a good variety of well-known Nintendo franchises along with third-party choices, and some obscure gems as well. Does anyone know what Monster Party is? No I didn’t think so, but you’re going to find out. Boy howdy you’re going to find out. Enough setup. Let’s get to the hilarity!
25 Epically Broken
We’re nearing the end of 2017 and I’m still considering my personal game of the year. Right now The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is at the top of my list. I adore it. I’ve written so many reasons why with GameXpert along with my personal content platforms. There is one thing that is incredibly annoying though: weak weapons. Even the most epic looking sword straight from the set of Star Wars breaks like it’s made out of glass. Not sure who’s bright idea it was to have such a weapon system implemented, but whoever did it should get stranded on an island equivalent to some of the challenges found in the game. Also, their weapons will break after one minute. Then they’ll know the pain!
24 Where’s Pauline?
This comic was funnier in a time before Super Mario Odyssey. In the very first Mario game, Donkey Kong, Mario (or Jump Man) is trying to rescue his girlfriend Pauline from the titular ape. Donkey Kong released in 1981 making Pauline’s return to a home console a thirty-six-year wait. She’s appeared on handheld devices via the Mario vs. series, but they were small roles. So again back when this comic originally came out it was more poignant. Where did Pauline, Mario’s seemingly first love, go? Mario lore is a bit convoluted anyway so it doesn’t really matter. Point is she’s finally back as the Mayor of New Donk City. I think that’s a pretty good reward for being absent from the home console space for more than three decades.
23 The Terror Of Hyrule
Link is an unsettling hero to control. All he does is grunt. It’s not like any of his family didn’t speak English in any of the games. Everyone, even animals, can talk, so what’s up with him? Call it a Nintendo quirk akin to Mario, but I think there’s more to it. His intentions are noble, but all incarnations of the boy in green can be a bit unsavory. Take this comic for example. Do you think the fairies of the forest want to be caught by nets, or hands just to be shoved into jars? These majestic creatures are worth more than that. I love this Link’s creepy look. He actually looks more adult like a Link in his 40s aka past his prime. What is he really going to be using these fairies for?
22 No One Likes Slippy
Everyone knows Slippy is the worst character in Star Fox. He’s always chattering over the radio with bad advice, or he needs rescuing from another bunch of bandits. Given that his father is so prominent in the technology division I believe this is why he was able to get a seat with Fox’s crew because he’s nowhere near as talented as anyone else in the unit. Also, it’s worth pointing out he’s an amphibian, which is the most different between the other three in terms of classification in the animal kingdom. Perhaps there’s a bit of racism here. What would you even do at a BBQ hosted by a frog? Are we talking a bunch of insects? No wonder Fox didn’t want to go to it.
21 My Son: Slayer Of Animals
The concept of EarthBound puts the idea of Pokémon trainers leaving when they’re ten seem like nothing. They may have to deal with monsters, but those creatures are never really killed nor do the trainers themselves get hurt. EarthBound, on the other hand, is way more bananas. A meteor hits earth; a bee comes out and tells you, Ness, that he has to collect eight stones in order to stop an evil alien invasion. Ness’ age is never really revealed, but I’m sure it’s around the equivalency of ten or so like Pokémon. You’re going around bashing regular animals and humans that have been possessed by this dark force with a bat and other weird instruments like yo-yos. It’d make a mother worry if she saw that.
20 Just Power Girl Things
Metroid Other M was our first glimpse at Samus as a real character. She never really says much in any of the other games, but I think her silence and mystery is what’s so alluring about her. Metroid Other M tried too hard and made her weak. She was like a little puppy throughout most of the game, obeying the words of her former male commander. It was sickening, to say the least, but as much as I hated the story I am not averse to hearing more about Samus in the future. Surely she must do more than fighting aliens. What’s her home life like? Does she have a cat? Its just kind of a cute idea to imagine her outside of her power armor.
19 A Waste Of Spacer
Here’s a concept I haven’t been able to grasp since The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. For as big as the chests are in that universe, why are some only hiding one rupee? I get that it’s there to sort of tease players like oh you thought this was going to be something cool. Not! It’s a cruel joke on the player, which makes the chests that do contain rewards even more special. So from a design standpoint, I get it but think about it in the Zelda universe. Who in their right mind would put one tiny rupee in such a grand chest? It just doesn’t make any sense. Link carrying around a heaving bag of rupees unhindered also doesn’t make sense, but that’s a whole other issue.
18 F-Zero: Melee Encounters
17 Taste Of Your Own Medicine
I don’t quite get Bowser’s deal. Like, what does he even want with Peach? Does he want to rule over the Mushroom Kingdom legally with a wedding, or is he seriously just in love with her? As evil as he is, I feel bad for him, especially after the ending of Super Mario Odyssey. I think it’s about time we really play as Bowser in his own opposite adventure. Just what trials does Bowser go through before he kidnaps Princess Peach? We rarely get to see that whole setup. He had his own adventure with Mario and Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story, which was great DS RPG, but I want a platformer or action game where we play as him. I think that should be the next “Mario” type adventure we see on the Switch.
16 Almost Got It
Battletoads is one of those infamous original NES games that is known for its difficulty. The first level, Ragnarok’s Canyon, is a piece of cake. Even the second level, Wookie Hole, isn’t that bad. Those dang crows are annoying, but again, it’s doable. Level three, Turbo Tunnel, though, ha. I don’t care who you are there’s no getting past that stage. It’s basically a speeder bike level wherein you need to navigate your toad through fast appearing barriers and walls. It starts off slow, but by the end, you’ll need split-second timing and I’m convinced the collision detection is off. It’s one of the worst levels ever created. Thankfully that Rare Replay collection on the Xbox One lets you rewind time so fans can finally beat it.
15 Zombies Ate My Babies
LucasArts, before it got disbanded, was known for its PC point and click adventure games. Titles like The Secret of Monkey Island and Maniac Mansion are still highly regarded to this day. They also developed some early console action adventures that were not even related to Star Wars. One of those was the hidden gem known as Zombies Ate My Neighbors. As a boy or girl, you’ll tackle hordes of zombies, mummies, and other supernatural beings with your trusty water guns. That’s right. Water guns. It’s a pretty weird game from top to bottom and none is stranger than the giant baby boss. Like the comic says, “But some things…you never get used to.” I remember the first time I encountered it blowing my mind.
14 8-Bit Dark Souls
If you thought the level progression and enemy encounters were tough in Dark Souls or any of its related games then you’ve never played the original Dragon Quest. Battletoads is hard, yes, but Dragon Quest is like the quintessential difficult game on the NES. Given enough time you can make that game bow to you, but it takes a lot of grinding. Think of the latest RPG you had to do that in and now multiply that times twenty. It takes FOREVER to level up due to monsters being stingy on experience. Not only that, but even the starting monsters outside of the castle will kill you easily. It’s a repeated process of fighting like 2-3 monsters, going back to the castle to heal, and then going out again. It’s exhausting.
13 Third Party Support Blues
Nintendo primarily keeps to themselves when it comes to the Super Smash Bros. roster, but ever so slowly third-party support keeps creeping in. The biggest get, in my opinion, was Solid Snake in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. It wasn’t completely crazy as Silicon Knights helped remake the original Metal Gear Solid, as Twin Snakes, for the GameCube, so it’s not like Snake has never appeared on a Nintendo platform. His first game was even ported to NES. Another big PlayStation star, Cloud from Final Fantasy VII, was announced out of nowhere for the 3DS and Wii U Super Smash Bros. Now Final Fantasy VII has never been on a Nintendo console so what’s the deal? That’s a harsh blow for Snake and his fans. Why Cloud and not Snake?
12 A Random Encounter
11 Kiss The Plumber
10 Snake Cannon
9 Obvious Answers
Scribblenauts is primarily a puzzle game involving words. You can type in a huge list of any word and that object would appear in the game. It got so crazy as the series went on that even celebrities and website personalities started to appear in the game. You can even summon Cthulhu, but that’s probably a bad decision as it’ll try and kill you every time. Now summoning things is how you solve puzzles. Take this comic for example. The solution here would be to call a ladder to climb up and grab the Starite, but what if it was much easier than that? You can’t actually summon the puzzle pieces to you, but the panel points out just how vast the dictionary within the game is. Just, you know, not that good.
8 Good Call Shulk
7 The Master Net
This entry is a combination of a joke and an Easter egg hidden within my favorite Zelda game: A Link to the Past. Did you know you could use your bug catching net against Agahnim when you face him in Hyrule Castle before you’re transported to the Dark World? It’s a weird glitch that doesn’t take any sort of crazy preparation either. All you have to do is wield the net, swing it at his blasts, and zap. Agahnim fades to black. While it may be easy to use it’s unconfirmed by Nintendo at this point if this was an unintentional bug, or if it was a fun little Easter egg. If this is canon I want to know what that net is made out of.
6 A Robot Master For Every Job
5 Phenomenal Cosmic Power, Ity Bity Cartridge Space
I’m not totally against DLC, but the boundary between what should be on the game disc when you buy it and what should be extra is kind of a big debate. Before that argument even erupted there was the Game Genie, which was a device you could plug into your console to unlock cheats. Remember how I said NES games were extremely hard? Well the Game Genie was how a lot of us got through these games. It differed between games, but unlocking extra lives, or invincibility, was a common cheat and great way to make it through even the toughest games like DuckTales. Imagine if you were actually summoning a genie and all you wanted was help with a game. What a waste of a wish.
4 Old Enough To Drink
3 Barreled Rage
In the first Donkey Kong Country Diddy Kong was basically the Yoshi of that game. You don’t ride him to then sacrifice him to make a jump, but there is a bit of sacrifice. Diddy Kong is essentially your extra life piece. If you get hit he’ll take your place, or vice versa. Whoever gets hit that Kong will be transported into a barrel, awaiting your rescue. Claustrophobia? On top of that you’re killing a bunch of animals all for a bunch of bananas. Now, Diddy Kong is a monkey, so I get why he’d want bananas, but Donkey Kong is a gorilla. His affinity for the fruit I wouldn’t think would be so high. It’s an innocent enough game, but it’s dark when you think about in ways like this comic suggests.
2 The Robot Birds And The Bees
Here’s another robot question I pose to you. If Dr. Wily, and or Dr. Light are creating all these robots then what are the animals for? Are they just mere killing dolls created to stand between Mega Man and the Robot Masters, or is there something more? What if animals went extinct in the year 20XX and literally everything has been replaced by robots. Think about it. In order to keep the ecosystem flowing correctly you’d need some stand ins to help keep the balance. Robot bees could pollinate flowers for example. That’s part one to this comic. Part two is Mega Man’s age. Is he more robot than human? Does he get carnal temptations from girls? How would Dr. Light even explain that to him? The world of Mega Man continues to be a crazy mega mystery.
1 Chicken Armor
Last, but not least we have this ingenious one panel comic. Cuccos are the ultimate evil in the Zelda universe. Ever since A Link to the Past, if you hit a Cucco enough times a storm will descend upon you. They’re invincible and every game gets crazier. With that knowledge at hand why doesn’t Link just tie a bunch of Cuccos to his body? It’d make for the ultimate armor! They’d take the damage, Link would be fine, and on top of that if you get hit enough a storm of Cuccos will come to your side. It’s brilliant, but perhaps too brutal. Sure Cuccos are invincible, but I’m sure they still feel pain. Come on Cuccos it’s for the greater good. Become a noble Cucco of legend.
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